Great Thinking

Don’t let anxiety, fear make you lose perspective

When we feel trapped or in danger, we simply try to protect ourselves to get out of harm’s way and find a safe place.

BY CHARLOTTE LANKARD   

Perspective is a confusing word to define because it comes in many forms. There is art perspective, linear perspective, cognitive perspective, spatial perspective and behavioral, humanistic and sociological perspectives. In addition, the word can be used as a noun or an adjective. TMI, as my grandchildren say! Too Much Information, for sure

 I am thinking of perspective as being able to see all sides of an issue before making a decision — to look at the whole picture.  Perspective, however, is not present when we react out of anxiety or fear. In those moments when we feel trapped or in danger, we simply try to protect ourselves to get out of harm’s way and find a safe place.

 The brain is wired to help us when in danger. Some people stand and fight, others flee.

There are many ways to fight — with fists or threats or verbal abuse.

There are also many ways to flee without walking out the door — withdrawing, verbally shutting down, going to bed or overmedicating with alcohol or drugs.

These coping skills are typically learned in a childhood that was full of turmoil or during a traumatic event, such as war or a catastrophic accident.  Though no longer in those circumstances, an individual can lapse into a fight-or-flight reaction when confronted, even though their present relationship holds no hint of danger.

When this occurs over and over, the relationship loses balance and misunderstandings arise. If neither person understands what is happening, a rift in the relationship can become permanent.

 One of the most important skills a person can develop is to become aware of “triggers” that throw them into a fight-or-flight reaction and learn how to quiet themselves, creating space between the impulse and the action.

If your relationship at the office or at home is difficult and full of drama, then perhaps this might be a possibility you would want to explore.

Discovering how to bring a healthy perspective into your relationship will not only make it more loving, it will have a better chance at lasting.